Your material goals fulfilled, you will die of boredom.




Placement: The Minor Arcana



A woman in fine clothes stands in a garden. The gold coins, adorned with the pentacle design (the symbol commonly associated with this suit of cards) are portrayed here as fruit, which is confusing because they are growing on grape vines, and any grapes as big and yellow as grapefruit are, like grapefruit itself, not to be trusted. Here, the leaves of coin vines are not only identical to the leaves on grape vines, there are actual grapes growing between the coins. Someone has clearly played a joke on the gardener, but the woman with the fine clothes is indifferent to the incongruities of the surrounding fruit.

A falcon sits on the woman’s hand, wearing one of those adorable falcon motorcycle helmets that unfortunately has a habit of falling over their eyes. Hats do not fit birds very well, since they keep their eyes at the sides of their heads rather than at the front as we do. Owls are an exception to this, of course, and owls look fetching in a wide variety of hats.

There is a castle in the background beyond the garden. Someone in that castle is responsible for the bewildering fruit situation. There is no word yet as to whom.

Note once again that in most public domain tarot decks, the numbered Minor Arcana cards are predominantly like the one in the featured image for this post, which is to say that on the Nine of Coins card, there is nothing more to it than nine coins.


Right side up:

Reaping the rewards of your labour. Falcons are expensive, but they will find and kill small animals for you to eat or have taxidermied. Grapes are an excellent source of wine, which as everyone knows, is one of the four necessary beverages for survival, as recommended by the most credible authorities on health. Castles, unless under siege by someone who owns a different castle, last a long time and have plenty of space. “Plenty” is the general theme of this card, though this is not necessarily a good thing.

SAUCE elder Michel Nolastname says of the Nine of Coins card, “The masons translate for the birk by drilling holes into the table but the pink cyclops doesn’t care, even though the police are onto him!”

Such wisdom.

I will venture out on a limb here and make the assumption that the great man forgot to mention that the cyclops does not care because of… coins? I have no idea, but it is likely important, and if I include his quote here, maybe one of you readers will figure it out and let me know what it means.


Upside down:

You were absolutely certain that you invested in a solid retirement fund, but you were swindled. That real estate agent you saw was not real in the slightest, and your financial advisor was a ghost.


Classic Nine of Coins deaths:

  • Hunted by birds of prey
  • Rotten grapes, or rotten grapefruit, or both
  • Chipping your tooth on a coin and then ignoring it when it becomes infected and then dying when the infection poisons your blood and goes to your brain. Teeth are located way too close to the brain for anyone’s good. How the human species has survived as long as it has is frankly baffling.
  • Your castle is attacked by competing nobility, a.k.a. castle collectors.
  • Congratulations. You acquired all of the collectibles and have thus won life. Now for your reward: nothing.

Added June 12, 2016