PAGE OF WANDS you will die

Placement: The Minor Arcana

Description:

The Page in tarot is sometimes called the Jack, the Princess, or the Knave. Since Pages can be girls, at least recently and probably in some historical contexts too, and since pages can potentially be as knavish as anyone, Page is the term we will continue to use.

In most illustrations of the Page of Wands, a young person in fancy clothes stares at the tall staff that she or he or they or zir carries.

 

Right side up:

Childlike creativity and imagination. The Page cards may be considered the Fool’s counterparts in the Minor and Negligible Arcana suits, eager (to the point of a fiery craving) for new experience. Pages are considered new initiates in learning the power of the elements their suits represent. The element for Wands is Fire. You are new to working directly with fire and are now holding a flammable object up to your face, contemplating lighting it up. This is likely to end in burnt hair at the very least. If you survive by some miracle, you will have learned something valuable about the nature of fire. A+

Alternatively, this card has been associated with youthful masculine virility. I cannot imagine why.

 

Upside down:

The young braggart. Feel free demonstrate the safe handling of a blowtorch for the rest of the class. You already have a clever reputation, so there was no need to attend previous lectures.

To appear particularly brilliant on a daily basis, you should develop and maintain some visibly eccentric affectations and be disciplined about staying in character. Others will not necessarily notice you from a distance or remember you at the end of the day unless you look and behave like a caricature of the person that you wish sheeple to see.

 

Classic Page of Wands deaths:

  • Little League baseball accident
  • Impaled with a microscope
  • Poisoned pepperoni stick
  • Playing with a match, fireworks, lightning rods, flare guns, flame throwers, bazookas, wizard staffs or whatever test rocket they’re concocting at Area 51 without explicit permission from the Greys

 

AN UPDATE ON OUR MURDER INVESTIGATION

How does the Page of Wands say that could help us solve the murder of Michel Nolastname? It appeared early in the spread that Anais Hershel set out, the part that represents the object of our question. Is the murderer a young creative type? Flattening one’s victim like undies on an ironing board is a creative way to kill, as are rolling them out like a Gingerbread Man or dragging them through a portal to the second dimension. Why anyone would want to do that to Mr. Nolastname is beyond me. Who does he know who displays Page of Wandishness? Danny Delaire is the youngest of the international headquarters chapter of S.A.U.C.E. but as creative as she is, Ms. Delaire is shy* about her projects.

If we knew more about him, we might have caught his killer by now. We gladly listened to Mr. Nolastname’s stories and wisdom and talked about him often, but we almost never probed him about his own life. We did not bother him unless we thought that our news was worthy enough. Even then, I often assumed that my continual lack of success meant that questions or input on my part would be arrogant. I had often been arrogant in my youth, I winced at the memory and did not wish to repeat my mistake. Avoiding mistakes, I know now, was itself a winceworthy youthful mistake. To my mind it resembles a minor Greek tragedy, or a major hit song by Alanis Morissette.

 

*Sorina Jones and I have often gossiped about how much we would like to see Danny Delaire lovingly attached to someone who could offer her fun and laughter and who could ultimately help her feel understood. Our top contender thus far is the foul-mouthed and chip-shouldered Anais Herschel, who may find herself inspired by Ms. Delaire’s sweetness. Ms. Jones and I had an infallible matchmaking scheme arranged and rehearsed, complete with mistaken identities, an orchestrated traffic jam, a lost kitten, a stolen artifact, a videogame cheat code, acorns, bottle caps, and the well-timed playing of a love song called “I’m Flummoxed.”

Due to our investigation, we have put this plan on hold. Please refrain from spilling the proverbial beans lest Ms. Jones and I slip and fall into the proverbial chili.

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