A brief update:

Regretfully, we are no closer to determining the identity and location of the villain known as Lace, who has our friend (and expert in nautical imagery in tarot) Anais Herschel captive, and who may also have murdered our respected elder Michel Nolastname. These losses have deeply affected all of us at S.A.U.C.E. (the Secret Assembly Unearthing Cartomantic Eventualities). Danny Delaire sleeps little, searching night and day for ways to rescue her sweetheart, and ever since we received the ransom note, Elsie Cabret has gone into a kind of seclusion, living in the basement of our headquarters, speaking to no one.

The Fool card remains missing from my deck and from the decks of every member of the board of directors. If any of you loyal readers find a random The Fool card that is not part of your own deck, please let me know! I recommend checking under sofa cushions, the back of the freezer and wherever the dog has buried your flipflops this time.

And now, the card of the day:

THE GODFATHER you will die

Placement: The Obscure Arcana

Description: An elderly man smoking a pipe interacts with a young child, while a dog warily watches the pair. They are indoors, often in a sitting room. On the wall hangs a painting depicting an either an act of kindness or an act of violence, depending on the deck.

 

Right side up:

The molder of minds. Contrary to the belief popularized by the 1972 classic film of the same name, (or its source material, a novel from 1969) this card does not refer to a high-ranking paternal leader of organized crime. Instead, it depicts a man who has been charged with the moral education of a friend’s or family member’s child.

Depending on the context, this indoctrination may be a genuinely healthy introduction to the traditions and values of the child’s community, or it could be a form of intellectual and emotional suppression resulting in the prevention of curiosity and critical thinking. Keep both interpretations in mind when The Godfather upright appears in a reading, and compare it to the other cards with which it appears. Trust the cards. Unlike frail human beings, the cards can be trusted.*

 

Upside down:

The corrupter. The Godfather reversed may appear to care deeply about you and all those under his tutelage. Keep a weather eye out for busses, however, under which he may toss you when adversity rears its head. Similarly, if you learn something that counters his teachings, you will find yourself not only abandoned but endangered, for you are now a threat to his unwarranted power.

If The Godfather reversed appears in your reading, you must ask yourself the following about the values that your mentor or teacher wishes to instill:

  • “Does the end justify the means?”
  • “Are questions discouraged?”
  • “Is hatred encouraged?”**
  • “Are the lives of outsiders cheaper than those of close allies?”
  • “What is the official stance on human collateral damage, and does the answer include a dubious analogy about omelets?”
  • “Does a population require an apocalypse-level purging?”
  • “Is something called The Dark Side harnessed as a mental and spiritual tool?”
  • “Does the second rule of the movement begin with “You do not talk about ____”?”
  • “Does ‘an offer one cannot refuse’ involve something other than fair compensation, or at the very least a coupon?”
  • “Do surprise gifts include heads of decapitated horses?”
  • “Do negotiations involve blackmail, machine guns, grenades, rotting animal corpses on a catapult, or exposure to poorly spelled romantic fan fiction pairing Sherlock Holmes with Ronald McDonald?”
  • “Is “why” a four-letter word?***

 

*Because I said so.

**Hatred, of course, includes hatred of behaviours that are not directly harmful to others, but which you personally find distasteful.

***With the exception of languages in which the equivalent of “why” is literally four letters long, typos, and the word written out to indicate a whining tone on the part of the speaker, i.e. “Whyy!!!”

 

Classic The Godfather deaths:

  • Choking on an orange peel
  • Choking on a knuckle sandwich
  • Choking on a lead salad
  • Drowning in holy water
  • Drinking holy Kool-Aid
  • Sleeping with fishes
  • Wickermanned
  • For the greater good (the greater good)
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