It’s me again, not your usual narrator. Right now her head is kind of jumbled up with fear of whatever. She and her pals are intruders in my house, okay. They got what they deserved. Anyway, I found some notes of hers and I’m going to post them here as a way of, you know, like psychological torture. Taking her identity by taking her blog, that kind of thing. Hard to tell whether it’s working. “Hey dingbat! Are you more scared now that I’m on your blog? Huh? Blink once for yes and two for—That’s three blinks. Did I say anything about three? DID I?”

Sigh. Never mind. Here’s her damn post:

Placement: The Negligible Arcana


Three lizard ballerinas in mid-pirouette, their eyes closed with joy, their tongues flickering out, hungry for your applause. The favourite Earth ballet of our secret Reptilian overlords/overladies/overlandownersofsomesort is Swan Lake. The Lizard People understand more than anyone* what it is to be tied in an inhuman identity within a human world, craving love, understanding, and to wrap their toes in a shiny satin box.

The stage is a narrow one, too narrow for long-tailed creatures to twirl at the same time without knocking one another into the orchestra pit. Perhaps the image on the card depicts the moment immediately preceding the chaos of what is to come.

Right side up:

While it is true that citizens of the Reptilian Empire living on Earth are here to infiltrate our governments and corporations via the Illuminati (which is, of course, a puppet organisation controlled by the Girl Guides)** many of our hidden lizard neighbours enjoy playing human for the thrill of it. Chamaeleonids are especially tickled pink by the opportunity. They must beware, however, that where there is an audience, there is always a cheeky person in the second row who knows how all of the effects are achieved and will blather on about it to their friends during intermission, as well as any facts about where else you’ve performed, and the memetic lineage of your plot. Unless you are exceedingly careful, such geeks will inherit the Earth and set the Reptilian masterplan back by entire decades.

Upside down: When the temperature is particularly warm (perhaps from stage lights) or very chilly (from theatre critics) cold-blooded creatures become lethargic. Do not sleep, oh scaly ones! The show must go on!

*Excepting werewolves and the Lady Hawke

**Lady Baden-Powell was not a reptile herself but a sentient brown owl. The first few jamborees were challenging for the community, as owls are known to eat small lizards.

Classic Three of Lizards deaths:

  • Annoying an opera ghost
  • Drowning in thrown tomatoes
  • Investing your life savings in “Spider-Man Turn off the Dark II: The Magic Flashlight.”