hi hi this is kiki the apprentice tea leaf reader and




there is a scary scary scary voice in the black pit of nothingness

you know, the pit of nothingness that the tarot club’s house fell into

so scary

you have no idea how scary

i think i peed a little oh wait no that’s spilled darjeeling oops

at least it’s only a voice. we don’t see anything yet so maybe we’re safe up here

wanna bet

uh… this time it’s not tea



Placement: The Minor Arcana


The Knight of Swords gallops into battle at full speed in front of a blue sky. Or, rather, his horse gallops. He stays on the saddle, sometimes waving his sword overhead. In many versions, the wind bends the trees and the clouds in the background. Often, there is a face on the shoulder of this knight’s armour. It is a little-known fact that the very best medieval armour had faces because they were sentient metallic beings, watching a warrior’s proverbial six and providing dubious courtship advice.


Right side up:

Go. Fight. Make haste. Leap forward. Off to the races. Full-speed ahead. Cut to the chase. Run for your life. Quick like a bunny. Crackle in the lightning of your rage. Fly, you fool. Cease reading Terrible Tarot this very instant and act. You may not gallop any slower than fifty miles per hour lest you litter the road with blazing bite-sized morsels of your favourite gallant steed.


Upside down:

Halt. Slow and steady wins the race you clumsy, short-sited rabbit. You will trip over your feet. Your wheels will burst. YOU SHALL NOT PASS. Advise your gallant steed to put their affairs in order, call an equine priest and prepare your own controlled fall. My deepest condolences for your loss.


Classic Knight of Swords deaths:

  • Over-ambitious roadrunner hunt
  • Quick on the draw, fail at your aim
  • Motion-blurred into visual non-existence
  • Unrehearsed cannon stunt
  • Sprinting to life’s finish line
  • Tripping
  • Capital punishment speeding ticket