Court Cards

Damsel of Wands

Your autobiography will read like an off-brand book of Mad Libs.

Dame of Swords

What? No! Wrong way! We’ll be run over by massive fifteenth century carts with lift kits and fake nuts tied to the back!

Knight of Coins

The Knight of Coins waits for orders, and waits some more, then continues to wait, followed by a great deal of waiting, culminating in a good long wait.

Queen of Chickens

“Then you shall pounce on all the mice,” said the Pig, “and I shall build a mouse-proof fence around this farm to keep the rest out!”

He also promised to lock the well-meaning Little Red Hen into a chicken coop for good.

King of Conspiracy?

“the Octopus is a secret symbol for the head of a conspiracy linking the Masons, the Mafia, the Illuminati, the CIA, the Templars, the Joneses…

A Pastafarian Perspective

th’ Flyin’ Spaghetti Monster, who boiled fer yer sins ‘n fills yer belly when ye be famish’d.

King Cthulhu?

You claim to understand and teach the symbolism of tarot but you’re missing the most important message: the arrival of the Great Old Ones.

King of Octopus

Claim mastery over the oddity. The weird is mightier than the pen, sword, mouse, duck, or morphin power ranger.

Knight of Fish

A zitiron, a mythological sea knight with the lower body of a fish, the weapons of a knight, and the washboard abs of a man. The head and face are covered entirely by a helmet. It could look like pug for all we know.

Dame of Wands

Defend your ideas. Burn the naysayers with the sickest retorts. Chew them out as a horse may chew on a cinnamon bun!

Queen of Octopus

  Placement: The Negligible Arcana Description: An octopus poses in a crown and often other adornments such as a necklace or …

Queen of Swords

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: A queen on a silver throne holds a sword in one hand, and in many …

Knight of Cups

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: This card features a knight on horseback, carrying a cup. The horse has two of …

Page of Octopus

Placement: The Negligible Arcana Description: The illustrations for this card usually depict a juvenile octopus, sometimes without adornment, and sometimes …

Page of Chickens

– Scrambled
– Hardboiled
– Served to the Breakfast Club
– Sacrificed by the cult of mediocrity
– Expulsion from the school of life

Page of Fish

Placement: The Negligible Arcana Description: The Page, or Princess, or Knave or Jack of Fish is usually a young person, …

Page of Lizards

Cinderella. Dance like you have friends and beware the killing stroke of midnight. Bite back.