Damsel of Wands
Your autobiography will read like an off-brand book of Mad Libs.
Court Cards
Knight of Swords
Sprinting to life’s finish line
Knight of Octopus
Make haste, make waves, or at least a cloud of ink.
Dame of Swords
What? No! Wrong way! We’ll be run over by massive fifteenth century carts with lift kits and fake nuts tied to the back!
Knight of Coins
The Knight of Coins waits for orders, and waits some more, then continues to wait, followed by a great deal of waiting, culminating in a good long wait.
Queen of Chickens
“Then you shall pounce on all the mice,” said the Pig, “and I shall build a mouse-proof fence around this farm to keep the rest out!”
He also promised to lock the well-meaning Little Red Hen into a chicken coop for good.
King of Conspiracy?
“the Octopus is a secret symbol for the head of a conspiracy linking the Masons, the Mafia, the Illuminati, the CIA, the Templars, the Joneses…
A Pastafarian Perspective
th’ Flyin’ Spaghetti Monster, who boiled fer yer sins ‘n fills yer belly when ye be famish’d.
King Cthulhu?
You claim to understand and teach the symbolism of tarot but you’re missing the most important message: the arrival of the Great Old Ones.
King of Octopus
Claim mastery over the oddity. The weird is mightier than the pen, sword, mouse, duck, or morphin power ranger.
Knight of Fish
A zitiron, a mythological sea knight with the lower body of a fish, the weapons of a knight, and the washboard abs of a man. The head and face are covered entirely by a helmet. It could look like pug for all we know.
Dame of Wands
Defend your ideas. Burn the naysayers with the sickest retorts. Chew them out as a horse may chew on a cinnamon bun!
Queen of Coins
Interviewers ask “How does she do it?”
Queen of Octopus
Placement: The Negligible Arcana Description: An octopus poses in a crown and often other adornments such as a necklace or …
Queen of Swords
Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: A queen on a silver throne holds a sword in one hand, and in many …
Knight of Cups
Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: This card features a knight on horseback, carrying a cup. The horse has two of …
Page of Octopus
Placement: The Negligible Arcana Description: The illustrations for this card usually depict a juvenile octopus, sometimes without adornment, and sometimes …
Page of Chickens
– Scrambled
– Hardboiled
– Served to the Breakfast Club
– Sacrificed by the cult of mediocrity
– Expulsion from the school of life
Page of Fish
Placement: The Negligible Arcana Description: The Page, or Princess, or Knave or Jack of Fish is usually a young person, …
Page of Lizards
Cinderella. Dance like you have friends and beware the killing stroke of midnight. Bite back.
