Minor Arcana

King Cthulhu?

You claim to understand and teach the symbolism of tarot but you’re missing the most important message: the arrival of the Great Old Ones.

King of Octopus

Claim mastery over the oddity. The weird is mightier than the pen, sword, mouse, duck, or morphin power ranger.

Seven of Swords

If the Seven of Swords were a squirrel, your birdfeeder would leap beyond the Reptilian Occupation* and land in downtown Post-Apocalopolis.

Knight of Fish

A zitiron, a mythological sea knight with the lower body of a fish, the weapons of a knight, and the washboard abs of a man. The head and face are covered entirely by a helmet. It could look like pug for all we know.

Two of Wands

The globe in his hand represents power, and the universality of bowling.

Five of Octopus

“Two may slip from view. Three may break free. Four may take the floor. Five, you may not live.”

Six of Lizards

Ask your friends and family to say this phrase out loud, repeatedly, as fast as they can. If they cannot, then they are Lizard People sent to overthrow the Earth’s governments and form a New World Order. Try this test for everyone you meet.

Dame of Wands

Defend your ideas. Burn the naysayers with the sickest retorts. Chew them out as a horse may chew on a cinnamon bun!

Five of Coins

Dickensian without the occasional lucky coincidence. It’s the hole in your purse that empties into the parallel universe populated entirely by dryer socks. It’s the word DOOM spelled out in wooden nickels.

Two of Coins

The coins are for your eyelids, to pay the ferryman to the underworld, or else he will make you sleep with the fishes.

Three of Swords

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: Three swords pierce a disembodied heart against a grey background, often in a rainstorm. This is …

Ace of Fish

  Placement: The Negligible Arcana Description: The Giant Hand carries a rather perturbed looking fish, tail-side up. In some versions there …

Ace of Swords

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: The giant hand in the cloud has returned, now looming over mountains and wielding a silver …

Ace of Cups

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: Some say that this card depicts the Holy Grail. Sometimes it is an urn or …

Queen of Octopus

  Placement: The Negligible Arcana Description: An octopus poses in a crown and often other adornments such as a necklace or …

Queen of Swords

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: A queen on a silver throne holds a sword in one hand, and in many …

Four of Coins

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: A person, usually a man with a crown, sits on a plain grey throne in …

Knight of Cups

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: This card features a knight on horseback, carrying a cup. The horse has two of …

Three of Cups

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: Three women raise their cups together while dancing. They each wear wreaths on their heads. …