What? No! Wrong way! We’ll be run over by massive fifteenth century carts with lift kits and fake nuts tied to the back!
If you’re reading this from the future (yay, that means the internet still works!)…
It has come to my attention that today marks the one-hundredth Terrible Tarot post. I, and the nice young woman who uploads my humble scribblings, would like to thank our readers, all four of you.
In the Sola Busca version, (featured above) the carver is finished. Finished, as in pecked clean by the crows, one of which still lurks on a branch above.
(a post that is short and unsweet)
If you go down to the woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise. If you go down to the woods today, you’d better go in disguise, for every bear that ever there was will gather there together because we have been encroaching upon their natural habitat and the wilderness hungers for vengeance.
Avoid the temptation of negative thought. Avoid the naivete of positive thought. Avoid thought. Avoid perception. Avoid the word “doom”. Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to have a nightmare. Sleep well.
Stand on your hands and make toes with your fists.
The Knight of Coins waits for orders, and waits some more, then continues to wait, followed by a great deal of waiting, culminating in a good long wait.
“Then you shall pounce on all the mice,” said the Pig, “and I shall build a mouse-proof fence around this farm to keep the rest out!”
He also promised to lock the well-meaning Little Red Hen into a chicken coop for good.
Hibernation. Ensure that you visit the lavatory before you sleep, lest you need to (god forbid) leave your bed in the middle of February.
“THIS is my stick,” she/he/they/ze says. “Mine. It is the very best stick.”
A Roman goddess, an Egyptian god, a sphinx, four saints disguised as flying animals, a snake, and an alchemist graffiti artist walk into a bar…
“the Octopus is a secret symbol for the head of a conspiracy linking the Masons, the Mafia, the Illuminati, the CIA, the Templars, the Joneses…
th’ Flyin’ Spaghetti Monster, who boiled fer yer sins ‘n fills yer belly when ye be famish’d.
You claim to understand and teach the symbolism of tarot but you’re missing the most important message: the arrival of the Great Old Ones.
This afternoon the kind young lady who posts my words online informed me that she has decided not to upload …
Claim mastery over the oddity. The weird is mightier than the pen, sword, mouse, duck, or morphin power ranger.
If the Seven of Swords were a squirrel, your birdfeeder would leap beyond the Reptilian Occupation* and land in downtown Post-Apocalopolis.
A zitiron, a mythological sea knight with the lower body of a fish, the weapons of a knight, and the washboard abs of a man. The head and face are covered entirely by a helmet. It could look like pug for all we know.
Dear Terrible Tarot,
What the hell do you think you’re doing? You’re making everything about death, even the Death card, WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT CHANGE. No one will read Tarot cards if they think it’s all disasters and [word deleted].