The Men of Tarot

1. The Magician

The Magician card represents what we in divination circles like to call “mad skills.”

Ten of Coins

You have many stories to tell. No one listens anymore.

Seven of Swords

If the Seven of Swords were a squirrel, your birdfeeder would leap beyond the Reptilian Occupation* and land in downtown Post-Apocalopolis.

Knight of Fish

A zitiron, a mythological sea knight with the lower body of a fish, the weapons of a knight, and the washboard abs of a man. The head and face are covered entirely by a helmet. It could look like pug for all we know.

Two of Wands

The globe in his hand represents power, and the universality of bowling.

7. The Chariot

You will die like a racehorse on jet fuel.
Every journey is risky, but you will go places. They may not always be places you want to go. The hospital is a place, as is the cemetery.

Four of Coins

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: A person, usually a man with a crown, sits on a plain grey throne in …

Knight of Cups

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: This card features a knight on horseback, carrying a cup. The horse has two of …

6. The Lovers

Star-crossed lovers. Never, ever cross a star. The gravity of those celestial bodies will crush you into naught but a burning smear of meat grease. Thus the synonym for infatuation: crush.

41. The Godfather

A brief update: Regretfully, we are no closer to determining the identity and location of the villain known as Lace, …

0. The Fool

-Using soft plastic packaging as a toy, despite warning
-Eating a laundry detergent pod, despite warning
-Leaving the hiking trail, despite warning
-Bumper-hitching a rocket

King of Coins

Placement: The Minor Arcana   Description: A king sits in his garden, on a throne that has a distinct bull …

Ten of Cups

You will die knowing that your legacy is secure, or at least you think it is. It may not be. …

Seven of Coins

You will die miserable despite whatever wealth you might have accumulated.     Placement: The Minor Arcana   Description: A …

34. The Doctor

You will die often, and of things you forgot to attend to while you still could.     Placement: The …

Five of Wands

  Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: Five youths, each bearing a staff twice their individual heights, battle one another awkwardly, …