The Men of Tarot

1. The Magician

The Magician card represents what we in divination circles like to call “mad skills.”

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Ten of Coins

You have many stories to tell. No one listens anymore.

Seven of Swords

If the Seven of Swords were a squirrel, your birdfeeder would leap beyond the Reptilian Occupation* and land in downtown Post-Apocalopolis.

Knight of Fish

A zitiron, a mythological sea knight with the lower body of a fish, the weapons of a knight, and the washboard abs of a man. The head and face are covered entirely by a helmet. It could look like pug for all we know.

Two of Wands

The globe in his hand represents power, and the universality of bowling.

7. The Chariot

You will die like a racehorse on jet fuel.
Every journey is risky, but you will go places. They may not always be places you want to go. The hospital is a place, as is the cemetery.

Four of Coins

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: A person, usually a man with a crown, sits on a plain grey throne in …

Knight of Cups

Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: This card features a knight on horseback, carrying a cup. The horse has two of …

6. The Lovers

Star-crossed lovers. Never, ever cross a star. The gravity of those celestial bodies will crush you into naught but a burning smear of meat grease. Thus the synonym for infatuation: crush.

41. The Godfather

A brief update: Regretfully, we are no closer to determining the identity and location of the villain known as Lace, …

0. The Fool

-Using soft plastic packaging as a toy, despite warning
-Eating a laundry detergent pod, despite warning
-Leaving the hiking trail, despite warning
-Bumper-hitching a rocket

King of Coins

Placement: The Minor Arcana   Description: A king sits in his garden, on a throne that has a distinct bull …

Ten of Cups

You will die knowing that your legacy is secure, or at least you think it is. It may not be. …

Seven of Coins

You will die miserable despite whatever wealth you might have accumulated.     Placement: The Minor Arcana   Description: A …

34. The Doctor

You will die often, and of things you forgot to attend to while you still could.     Placement: The …

Five of Wands

  Placement: The Minor Arcana Description: Five youths, each bearing a staff twice their individual heights, battle one another awkwardly, …